Slowly, Slowly

Rabbi Ben is always talking about his philosophy on life, "Slowly, Slowly." With Rabbi, he never wants you to go too fast, but to always take the time to focus and learn and be prepared. This is my exact opposite. I am a zealot. I love to move and to run for the finish line. Every time I hear this, I start to rage on the inside. I want to move! I want it to be so right now! I want to not have to work for the end, but for the end to present itself as a middle for me to step forward to another end. I want life to be rapid fire! I want! I want... I have been with Rabbi for almost nine months now. And Slowly, slowly, my spirit has calmed. I am still overly zealous. I still have the all too human desire for life to come easily, but I have seen my inner rage shrink, and my desire to serve the L-rd and to know His Ways have grown.
I feel like Keffa, who loved Yeshua so much, but was always trying to run ahead of the Master. Yeshua would pull Keffa back and give him some order. Time and again he would run for the golden ring, only to be subdued by the wisdom and love of the Messiah. Eventually we see Keffa grow from his overly zealous state into one of trusting (Matityahu 14:28) and proclaiming the truth of Messiah (Matityahu 16:16). Keffa never lost his zealousness completely, but used his zeal to further the Kingdom of G-d. I would be blessed if in the end I find the restraint the Keffa found.
And so I walk forward, ever so "Slowly, Slowly," praying my soul would calm within me and the rage would die away as G-d's fire raises in me and His Light shines through.