My Abba

Do you ever feel like you are wrong, that something you have done is horrible and you wish you had never been tempted in the first place? You say a wretched thing to you friend, you are tempted to that movie you know will only cause you unrest and a night full of the darkest dreams. Or maybe you are tempted by the thoughts and desires of your masculine flesh. You think to yourself, how can a sinner like me deserve the love of a sacrificial lamb? A Messiah who would lay His life down to take away the sins that tempt you to turn from the light of G-d and hide in the shadows of your own twisted heart. Your soul cries out, "Abba, Father of my soul, I long for the grave. I do not know why I can not love you the way You desire, the way you require of me." You listen for the great wind, you wait for the earthquake, you watch for the firestorm, but they never come. Then in that still, small voice, you hear your Papa sooth you gently, "be still, know that I am G-d." As you draw in your breath, waiting, hoping for His voice, He tells you, "You are mine, child. I love you. Nothing you say, nothing you do, no shame you bring to your flesh, no crime you commit to your heart will change My heart for you."
You have never felt so small knowing of the tantrums you have thrown, the words you have used, the hatefulness with which you have spoke to you Abba; that no matter what you are His and His alone.
Imagine the love that G-d has for you. Think of the childless man you know. There is a desire to connect with children, to have offspring to share the joys of this world with, the flesh of his own flesh. He becomes a pediatrician and spends his time caring for the children of others.
Imagine that after years of infertility that man has a child. He is the sparkle in the man's eye. The man raises him exactly in his shoes. The boy fills his father with joy at everything he does. But disease has over taken the world and the man knows that the only way to save the children is to give up his only son. As much as he loves his son, he gives him up.
Now think of G-d. In B'resheet, we see G-d, alone and desiring to connect. He creates man to have community with him. Man abandons G-d so he can chase the desires of his heart. G-d has a son, but knows that the only way to bring the sons of man to Him is to offer His own flesh as a sin offering. What kind of love does the creator G-d have for the children of man if He is willing to give up His son to bring you into a relationship of healing with Him?
My prayer is a constant cry to let go of sin, but hearing that still small voice of the Master of All the Universe lets me know that I will fall down, but my Abba will be there to doctor my boo-boo, to pick me up and, holding my tiny hand in the mighty hands that forged the earth, together we try my walk again.

M'lakhim Alef ( 1 Kings) 19:11-12
B'resheet (Genesis) 1-3
B'resheet (Genesis) 2:23
Tehillem (Psalms) 46:10
Yochanan (John) 3:16